We all know that people generally feel better when they have a different perspective on things. Here’s some examples:
You know that bully just has personal problems they’re struggling with.
The guy that cut you off in traffic just didn’t see you and would never have done that if they saw you there.
Your boyfriend that’s “ignoring your calls,” actually isn’t getting anyone’s calls because his phone is dead.
The mean comment on YouTube isn’t about you, it’s just a lonely troll desperate for attention.
Most of the time, feeling good means that you get some variation or flavor of “don’t take anything personally.”
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“It’s nothing personal, but…”
The advice of “don’t take it personally” doesn’t work for a lot of people, because it’s only half right.
If you’re truly invisible, and you likely are, because people often think more of themselves than others, then what about when someone says something nice? Do we believe then that people are self-centered and it’s always about them, or that they only mean positive things about you and never anything negative like in the examples above?
They say, “I love your shirt!” but now you realize they’re just saying that because they felt awkward getting caught staring at what a goofy sweater that you’re wearing.
They say, “I’m really happy for you!” but they really want to hide the fact that they’re raging with jealousy on the inside and need to cover it up.
They say, “I love you just the way you are!” but really they don’t want you to succeed any more and replace him with new (cooler) friends.
Do you really think that only positive comments are true (and personal), but mean comments aren’t about you? At the end of the day, most people’s thoughts are going to be about them.
Therefore, it’s not about you when it’s a bad comment, and therefore it’s not about you when it’s a good comment.